Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
Can't Believe June Is Almost OVER
In the past few years, June has not been an easy month for me. I get depressed and start crying for no reason around the end of may and have no idea why. Then it dawns on me. June is approaching. At that point I just try to survive the month.
June used to be such an exciting month for me when I was growing up..HELLO it was my birth month! Then on June 10th 2002 my dad passed away suddenly from a rare form of leukemia. We found out on Saturday that he was sick and he died that Monday.
Two years later my Grandmom passed away on my birthday. Hubs and I were living in North Carolina and we were coming home for my birthday. When we got to Memphis, TN my mom called and told me that Grandmom was in the hospital but that "she would be okay." I got off the phone and started bawling because somehow I KNEW she wasn't going to be okay. We of couse sped the entire way to Fort Smith and when we got to the hospital I was able to talk to her and she got to see DJ and rubbed my belly (I was pregnant with Mads) and told me how much she loved all of us. I held her hand as she slipped away and then stayed in the room while the nurses took out all the IV's and cleaned her up.
I miss them both terribly but this June has been different. I think because of all that's going on with DJ I've been distracted and busy enough not to dwell on it. That is a good thing!
On the DJ front, the doctor called us today and he has been referred to an ENT at children's hospital in Little Rock. It will probably be a few weeks before we get an appointment though but we are still very hopeful!
June used to be such an exciting month for me when I was growing up..HELLO it was my birth month! Then on June 10th 2002 my dad passed away suddenly from a rare form of leukemia. We found out on Saturday that he was sick and he died that Monday.
Two years later my Grandmom passed away on my birthday. Hubs and I were living in North Carolina and we were coming home for my birthday. When we got to Memphis, TN my mom called and told me that Grandmom was in the hospital but that "she would be okay." I got off the phone and started bawling because somehow I KNEW she wasn't going to be okay. We of couse sped the entire way to Fort Smith and when we got to the hospital I was able to talk to her and she got to see DJ and rubbed my belly (I was pregnant with Mads) and told me how much she loved all of us. I held her hand as she slipped away and then stayed in the room while the nurses took out all the IV's and cleaned her up.
I miss them both terribly but this June has been different. I think because of all that's going on with DJ I've been distracted and busy enough not to dwell on it. That is a good thing!
On the DJ front, the doctor called us today and he has been referred to an ENT at children's hospital in Little Rock. It will probably be a few weeks before we get an appointment though but we are still very hopeful!
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Spent My Birthday at the Hospital
WooHoo. I turned 28 today. BLAH. That means 10 years ago I had just moved out into my first apartment with my boyfriend and was SO excited that I was FINALLY 18. And of course we partied like cracked out monkeys that night in celebration of the BIG.EVENT.
My my how times change lol. Last night was spent trying to keep DJ up as late as possible so he would sleep in for as long as possible this morning. My friend kept the other two so DJ wouldn't be woke up early. He couldn't eat after midnight and his MRI wasn't scheduled until 1pm. That's a long time for a little boy who eats and eats and EATS, so we kept him up all night.
Our plan worked! He woke up around 10:30 and off we went to the hospital. He was wonderful and so were our doctors and nurses! The anetheisologist let us go back into the MRI room with DJ and we stayed with him until he was completely under. Then we went and had a bite to eat since neither one us dared to eat in front of him today and then returned to the waiting room.
Finally, he was done and he went to recovery. The nurse came and got us before he woke up so he wouldn't be scared. He was HARD to wake up lol but he finally came to. Within an hour of us leaving the hospital one of the neurologists called us and told us he found a small cyst or polyp high up in DJ's sinus cavity AND its in VERY close proximity to his left optic nerve so its POSSIBLE that if it is removed that DJ's vision might improve. CROSS YOUR FINGERS! So the neurologist sent it to an ENT doc and he is supossed to call me tomorrow.
We have HOPE again people. If you pray please pray or just keep my sweet little boy in your thoughts!!! And thank God for all the people today that helped DJ and told us the MRI results long before we would have known anything if Jer didn't work at the hospital.
So, yeah I spent the big 2 8 at the hospital being scared, worried, anxious, terrified...you name it but it was a pretty good day!
My my how times change lol. Last night was spent trying to keep DJ up as late as possible so he would sleep in for as long as possible this morning. My friend kept the other two so DJ wouldn't be woke up early. He couldn't eat after midnight and his MRI wasn't scheduled until 1pm. That's a long time for a little boy who eats and eats and EATS, so we kept him up all night.
Our plan worked! He woke up around 10:30 and off we went to the hospital. He was wonderful and so were our doctors and nurses! The anetheisologist let us go back into the MRI room with DJ and we stayed with him until he was completely under. Then we went and had a bite to eat since neither one us dared to eat in front of him today and then returned to the waiting room.
Finally, he was done and he went to recovery. The nurse came and got us before he woke up so he wouldn't be scared. He was HARD to wake up lol but he finally came to. Within an hour of us leaving the hospital one of the neurologists called us and told us he found a small cyst or polyp high up in DJ's sinus cavity AND its in VERY close proximity to his left optic nerve so its POSSIBLE that if it is removed that DJ's vision might improve. CROSS YOUR FINGERS! So the neurologist sent it to an ENT doc and he is supossed to call me tomorrow.
We have HOPE again people. If you pray please pray or just keep my sweet little boy in your thoughts!!! And thank God for all the people today that helped DJ and told us the MRI results long before we would have known anything if Jer didn't work at the hospital.
So, yeah I spent the big 2 8 at the hospital being scared, worried, anxious, terrified...you name it but it was a pretty good day!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Pre-Op Appointment
Just got back from our pre-op appointment for DJ's MRI tomorrow. I talked to his regular doctor about his recent diagnosis of Optic Nerve Aplasia and asked him if there was any chance the condition could improve or be treated with growth hormones and he answered me with a resounding NO. I knew better than to expect anything different but I guess in the back of my mind I held out hope. He was the man who literally saved DJ's life when he was less than a month old...surely he could "cure" his vision.
I knew better though. God damnit I knew better. I knew the answer would be no. I KNOW that the medical community would have to come through with some major medical advances before the possibility of DJ regaining some of his vision were possible. But I HOPED. And then I cried.
That a little baby I cried in front of my kids, in front of the doctor...like a baby. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach all over again. The complete and utter devastation was there all over again.
The doctor hugged me. Assured me that it wasn't my fault or DJ's fault. That nothing could have prevented it. I guess he saw through me and saw the guilt I carry around because I wonder if it is my fault. I mean I had no IDEA I was pregnant with DJ until I was almost into my second trimester. I continued on living like a lot of 21 year olds...party party party. What IF it's because I was so fucking stupid that he is legally blind. The what if's could swallow me up and spit me out I think.
So today is a hard day. Not as hard as the day we initially found out but still hard because somewhere deep in me I held out hope that the doc that provided a miracle for us once before would deliver one yet again.
I'm going to get busy cleaning my house and keeping my mind off this for now. Tomorrow we go for an MRI and then after that we see an endocrinologist. Fun Stuff!
I knew better though. God damnit I knew better. I knew the answer would be no. I KNOW that the medical community would have to come through with some major medical advances before the possibility of DJ regaining some of his vision were possible. But I HOPED. And then I cried.
That a little baby I cried in front of my kids, in front of the doctor...like a baby. I felt like I had been sucker punched in the stomach all over again. The complete and utter devastation was there all over again.
The doctor hugged me. Assured me that it wasn't my fault or DJ's fault. That nothing could have prevented it. I guess he saw through me and saw the guilt I carry around because I wonder if it is my fault. I mean I had no IDEA I was pregnant with DJ until I was almost into my second trimester. I continued on living like a lot of 21 year olds...party party party. What IF it's because I was so fucking stupid that he is legally blind. The what if's could swallow me up and spit me out I think.
So today is a hard day. Not as hard as the day we initially found out but still hard because somewhere deep in me I held out hope that the doc that provided a miracle for us once before would deliver one yet again.
I'm going to get busy cleaning my house and keeping my mind off this for now. Tomorrow we go for an MRI and then after that we see an endocrinologist. Fun Stuff!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Monday, June 8, 2009
Birthday Boy
Happy Birthday Spencer! My "baby" is a year old today. I'm more than a little sad since he'll probably be my last baby! :( Or maybe I'll just go find some random guy and get myself knocked up and pawn it off as Hub's kid! I'm kidding I'm kidding!
I'll be back with a more thourough post later....today is taking a toll on me. Spent all morning on the phone with VA reps regarding hub's GI Bill...some of those people have their heads so far up their....well you get the point.
My last phone call ended with me hanging up and then SCREAMING at the top of my lungs.." I HATE THE VA!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!
Seriously, I threw a tantrum. I'm over it. My kids thought it was hilarious.
"Do it again Mommy!," they exclaimed over and over while giggling. I told 'em nope that was something mommy just had to let out before I popped like a balloon. They thought was even funnier!
Weird kids I tell ya. So now we're getting ready to head out to buy a pool. They can't wait to go get it so I figure I'll drag them to Target and WalMart and threaten them with the pool if they don't behave...then we'll head to Toys R' Us.
BTW, I hate that store. Ours is dirty and dingy and the return policy SUCKS. But, we got a giftcard for Spencer's birthday and the pool I want is 50% off this week plus the giftcard and it'll cost me a whopping 5 bucks! Can't beat that!
Please pray that I don't end up on the news when I go to the VA tomorrow. I don't want to be THAT woman but those VA people really know how to push my buttons!
I'll be back with a more thourough post later....today is taking a toll on me. Spent all morning on the phone with VA reps regarding hub's GI Bill...some of those people have their heads so far up their....well you get the point.
My last phone call ended with me hanging up and then SCREAMING at the top of my lungs.." I HATE THE VA!!! ARGHHHHHHH!!
Seriously, I threw a tantrum. I'm over it. My kids thought it was hilarious.
"Do it again Mommy!," they exclaimed over and over while giggling. I told 'em nope that was something mommy just had to let out before I popped like a balloon. They thought was even funnier!
Weird kids I tell ya. So now we're getting ready to head out to buy a pool. They can't wait to go get it so I figure I'll drag them to Target and WalMart and threaten them with the pool if they don't behave...then we'll head to Toys R' Us.
BTW, I hate that store. Ours is dirty and dingy and the return policy SUCKS. But, we got a giftcard for Spencer's birthday and the pool I want is 50% off this week plus the giftcard and it'll cost me a whopping 5 bucks! Can't beat that!
Please pray that I don't end up on the news when I go to the VA tomorrow. I don't want to be THAT woman but those VA people really know how to push my buttons!
Friday, June 5, 2009
My First Award!!!
I got this awesome award from an Awesome Blogger! Go check her out!
Here are the rules:
1) Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link.
2) Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
So here's my picks..they're not newly discovered but they are some of my faves:
Those are my top five...15 is A LOT of blogs lol!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
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